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me + him

me + him
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saia

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Wednesday, November 4, 2015

la tahzan innallaha ma'ana


it will never be the same

i broke his heart, i made him disappointed. i was supposed to take care of myself because we are staying a part from each other. yet i didnt do that. i broke my promise toward him. i guess he coulnt forgive me. it was my fault, treating others to nice without thinking bout him. without thinking it will made him look like he cant take care of me. allahhurabbi, what have i done. i know it will never be the same anymore, im just afraid he just pushing himself to be nice with me. im afraid if he starting to hate me. hanis why you so stupid? why wouldnt i die earlier so that i dont have to hurt him. after all this time, almost 4 years, i am the one who ruin what we've built together. stupid hanis. even if i cry till my eyes blind, it wont change anything. its happen already. i am stupid. i am trying to win his heart back, but he said yesterday that it will never be the same. then i said, its oke, even he have to push himself, as long as he is by my side. i guess i am selfish. after what ive done i still want him to stay. stupid hanis. but i just cant loose him. after everything, i just cant let him go. im afraid i will go crazy. allah, how am i going to win his heart again. what if he didnt want to pick me up at ipoh? i guess i have to prepare if i need to buy other ticket. what if he come, but he hate me? he might hating me even more by just seeing my face. allah, there is so many things might happen. i just couldnt think straight. i am so not ready for test and quizzes. how can i get ready if i keep thinking of what happen. hanis why you so stupid. what if he doesnt want to see my face, it might get awkward. what if he wont let me touch him anymore? wow, so many thing might happen. but the one i afraid the most is he hates me and wont let me touch him. what if he doesnt love me anymore. what will happen to me. i might just become crazy. in fact i guess im going crazy thinking all of this. i didnt even study for tonight test. mom, dad im sorry. its my fault my life become like this. i should've listen to you to never fall in love during study. im sorry im going to disapoint you guys with my result. i guess i wont be the best sister for adik2. im thinking of leaving everyone to stop disapoint people anymore. but it will hurt my family more. i just cant think of anything. i feel so lifeless. its like my life has no point, its like i wasnt meant to make anyone happy. im just keep hurting the one i love, and the one who love me. i guess i have no function to stay in this world. ya allah, please make me stronger. dont let me do stupid things again.

3y 7m 3w

its been more than 3 years. allah how fast time flies. i didnt even realise this. alhamdulillah. for all this time, we manage to face everything. abg youve been a great partner to me. you manage to sabaq with all my karenah. thank you abg for all this thing. you gave me so much happiness. there is nothing more i can ask for you. i just want you to stay with me forever.